her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
