i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
