so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
