no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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