she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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