she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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