No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
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The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
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I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.