the new term for farting is butt boxing.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?