u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.