A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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