Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
