You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
