they need to just BURY HIM!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
