remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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