She is in my trunk
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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