the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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