Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I booty called her while she was in labor.
What a dumb baby whore.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
These tits shall not be calmed
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
