i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
