come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I hope mine doesn't look like that
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
