he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
