I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
