Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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