I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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