We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
