my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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