I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
