Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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