I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
