Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Randomize
