How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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