ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
