I want to stick my p in your. b.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Randomize
