threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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