Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
