What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
