Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
