if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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