Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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