whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You took a bar mat shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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