Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
