i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
