Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
