You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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