im gay
i know
yea but for you.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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