I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
