I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
