If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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