I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize