the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
