Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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