I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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