If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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