You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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