Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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