I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
