if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
