I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
