Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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