It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
