please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
