Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
