Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
