think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
