Nicole vs. Life
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
