I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
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Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
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Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
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So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam