He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....